May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
