Who did Billy Mays play for?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
