Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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