but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
from now on my penis is your penis
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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