He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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