My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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