Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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