do herpes really smell.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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