he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
