Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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