Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
