And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
