Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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