i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
