need another drink. this is the easiest way
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
vagina is talking i cant
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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