The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
