you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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