I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
