I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
