Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drake has all the answers
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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