Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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