FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
