Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
