i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
