Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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