He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
