man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
