Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
