Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
