i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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