What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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