Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
