Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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