Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
