Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
