I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
