He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
