I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
