I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I see more hoeing in ur future
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
