Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
