woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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