If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
