Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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