theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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