a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
