god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
