Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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