new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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