The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
