the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
