she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
